Pappa wants mamma naked
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
