so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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