I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
