You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So much rum. So many feels.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
