Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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