I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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