are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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