sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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