I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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