my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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