dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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