I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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