Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
