Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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