Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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