the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
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So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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