So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
