I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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