I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
