What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
