i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
