Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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