we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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