i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
