it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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