I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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