I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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