If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so let's talk penis.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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