There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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