And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
