I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
