I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
