if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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