just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
