no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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