what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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