don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
