Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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