When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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