well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
