Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
