god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
