She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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