no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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