Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
