is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
