I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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