He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
