Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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