Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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