I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Your dad touched me again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
