So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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