He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
