we have pet lesbian snakes
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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