i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
