The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
