yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
