Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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