All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
