Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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