spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Less talking, more tequila
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
