It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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