Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you win again, gameday.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
