I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
