i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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