my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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