i think i scared a bird with my dick
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
