What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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