dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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