I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
