he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
