Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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