I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
