Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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